Agh, this was great. The way he can't really love her until she's a statue... but that's still not enough, he needs the critic's approval - so good. Beautiful and horrible (in the horror sense, definitely not the technically bad sense!) at the same time.
No-- Not a classic "Ken" moment. Something happened there, at the end. I didn't... feel that ending. It isn't right. I'm not hung up on it; I just can't see it yet. But I will.
A great piece which really gets to the essence of an artist who is also a loving partner. The tone is pretty much perfect, and as a whole it is extremely moving. Well worthy of a rework to get that ending just so. (Not busting your balls there, but saying that the overall power of the story merits that extra push)
If you want my opinion, I always believe that emotion is best conveyed with some thing, an object, that comes to stand for the emotion in a symbolic way. In this case the statue itself might convey that (like a hairline crack he couldn't see but the critic could, for instance) or some other item like he realizes he used her clothing to polish the statue.
Words are great but a mental image that conveys the same thing is more powerful IMO.
Oh yes, definitely. Sad though. His descent into desperation and the lack of awareness of how she was slipping away. That guy's approval was more important.
Not at all. It's actually sad, moving and chilling. He becomes a monster, really. A shell of a man. Unnamed sculpture/unnamed woman. As though her being the model for the sculpture was the only way to validate her existence. Any other way of her existing was an inconvenience. It's a good story. Dark.
Agh, this was great. The way he can't really love her until she's a statue... but that's still not enough, he needs the critic's approval - so good. Beautiful and horrible (in the horror sense, definitely not the technically bad sense!) at the same time.
Thank you! Dug deep for this one. Though it will need some work down the road.
This one probably would have won the contest imo. ❤️
I don't know... something flew off the handle in the final scene. Everything considered, not surprising. I'll get it in time.
Don't overthink it. This was good, move on to the next story. 🍻
No-- Not a classic "Ken" moment. Something happened there, at the end. I didn't... feel that ending. It isn't right. I'm not hung up on it; I just can't see it yet. But I will.
A great piece which really gets to the essence of an artist who is also a loving partner. The tone is pretty much perfect, and as a whole it is extremely moving. Well worthy of a rework to get that ending just so. (Not busting your balls there, but saying that the overall power of the story merits that extra push)
Yes! I know. There's something not quite right there. I'm letting it rest a bit to get it to boil. Thanks for the comment, Murphy. Dead-on.
If you want my opinion, I always believe that emotion is best conveyed with some thing, an object, that comes to stand for the emotion in a symbolic way. In this case the statue itself might convey that (like a hairline crack he couldn't see but the critic could, for instance) or some other item like he realizes he used her clothing to polish the statue.
Words are great but a mental image that conveys the same thing is more powerful IMO.
Interesting. I'm gonna turn back to it in due time. Maybe by then I'll have some more skill. I'll come pick your brain, maybe?
Basically you just did. That's the only writer trick I know. Brain now empty.
But happy to chat about your work any time, mate. DM if you like.
Once I've found some solid ground, I will.
You're so damn prolific it's crazy! How do you keep turning out beautiful, horrifying works??? What's the secret?
Torment and pain inside. It has a pretty personal note, this one, sad to say.
Oo, I love how her dying body and the new body of the marble become intertwined.
So... not horrible??
Oh yes, definitely. Sad though. His descent into desperation and the lack of awareness of how she was slipping away. That guy's approval was more important.
Phew! Thought I missed the mark!
Not at all. It's actually sad, moving and chilling. He becomes a monster, really. A shell of a man. Unnamed sculpture/unnamed woman. As though her being the model for the sculpture was the only way to validate her existence. Any other way of her existing was an inconvenience. It's a good story. Dark.
Yes, it is dark. The hidden depths we can wallow in, deeper and darker than anyone can plumb. It’s a beautiful, tortured, soul scream of a story.
Exactly what I was going for!